Sunday, January 29, 2012

I just realized.

That today it's been 2 years since my Dad passed away.  Tomorrow would have been his 82nd birthday.   I still miss him every day..  I noticed a week or so ago that I was thinking of him and smiling not tearing up, so I'm progressing.  I definitely don't cry every day anymore, only once in a while.  I've done some thinking about grief over the past 2 years, how everyone grieves differently.  I had a moment at the funeral of my aunt, with a friend of hers who was talking about her grandson's death.  She said that she had not visited the grave.  I told her that I hadn't visited Dad's grave either, other than the funeral and once to look at the tombstone and make sure everything was spelled correctly.  That's it.  She said that she felt guilty for not visiting the grave, but she just couldn't.  I said that everyone grieves in their own way and that she was doing nothing wrong and she hugged me for the longest time.  She said "I thought I was the only one in the world."  We all have our strange little quirks and I'm glad that our shared quirkiness helped her feel better.  I walk on the sidewalk past my Dad's grave all the time, but don't visit it.  I still haven't looked at the clock in the church sanctuary that has a plaque dedicating it to my Dad.  I've never read that plaque.  Not even once.  I wanted generic, not personally meaningful songs sung at the funeral because I felt like personally meaningful songs would have made it even more difficult and it was difficult enough.  I realize that my way of grieving is odd to some people but it's mine.  Some people bottle things up.  Some people need to vent.  Some people need to visit graves on a regular basis and some don't.  We all just need to be respectful of these differences. 


Donna said...

I totally understand your grieving process, I fought my brother tooth and nail to get my father's photo album that he made and even tho it has been 8 years since he has passed (still seems like just a few weeks ago) I have yet to be able to open that photo album and enjoy it - I don't think I ever will enjoy it because it ment way to much to him & I and it just doesn't seem the same to look at it without him.... Just know I understand about not visiting the grave, some things are just to hard.

Freakmom said...


You have given us some wonderful reminders. Don't be judgy of others. You just don't know what they are going through. Whatever they need to get through it, is exactly what you should give them.

Thanks for reminding me of that.

Fatcat said...

Yes. Just because someone doesn't visit a grave of a loved one (for example) doesn't mean they don't care. It might mean they care too much or they simply don't believe that visiting a grave helps anything, if you know what I mean?


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