The ups, the downs, this and that.

One minute I'm crying, one minute giggling.  I tell you, if it wasn't for my kids, this whole experience with mom these past few months might have finished me off.  It's been a period of mourning for what was; my home, my parents.  I miss my dad and I miss the mom I had even a few months ago.  She has changed so much.  I miss going to "grandma's house" with my kids and when I do go to the house which is now an empty shell, I cry every time.  I cry every time I even think of the house. A friend of mine wants to rent it and I do very much think that's a good thing, but it makes me cry again.    I would feel better if someone was there to watch over the place.   One thing that has gotten better is that I no longer cry every time I go see my mom, because she does seem relatively happy where she is and she's bonding to the ladies she lives with.  My fear is that she will drive her caregiver crazy (she's working on it) and get herself kicked out.  The caregiver says that she's never had a patient with this level of dementia who was in such good physical shape, so as to get up at night and wreak havoc and mom's level of dementia has gotten way, way worse since we took her out of her home.  We were worried that this would happen, but felt we had no choice in the matter.  It's been kind of awful.

Flowers in my mom's yard this past summer.

My daughter says that this is exactly like me.  :-)

Now onto the good things.  I got my Suburban back yesterday.  Yay!  I missed it.  So I got to go volunteer last night.   It was really great.  I got to hold and console a lot of babies and I am good at it.  The only thing that is difficult about it is my physical limitations/knee pain and not being able to kiss those little faces.  When I left, both of my kids (who are home) gave me a hug.  That's so sweet for kids their age, isn't it?  Then when I got back home, we watched Boy Meets World, season 1 or 2, from Netflix which is good for some laugh out loud moments.  :-)  Then we had our read-aloud time, which was pretty hilarious, .  My daughter was really tired and was reading some things wrong and I got to laugh at her the way she used to laugh at me when I was reading aloud.  The most hilarious was when she was supposed to say the demon's horns were 'glowing blue" bue she said "blowing glue" and totally didn't realize that she had said it.  Again, I did the kind of laughing where I just wheeze quietly, with tears running down my face.  Everything is more funny when you are tired and stressed out. 

In other news, my son is now bringing 2 friends home for spring break next week and we are going to have to pretend for a whole week that we are neat.  :-P