I have a bad attitude sometimes lately and often, it surprises me with it's ferocity. I'll just be sitting here, minding my own business and then I'm angry or overwhelmingly frustrated. I am assuming that this is a stage of being middle aged? Part of it also has to do with the fact that I have another urinary tract infection and I am in the stage of waiting for it to get bad enough that they'll be able to see it and treat it. Meanwhile, I feel pretty much like crap. I feel like sleeping all the time, but I can't. But that's only part of it. On the other hand, I also have been feeling a lot of joy and contentment in my life that has sometimes eluded me in the past, enjoying the fall weather, enjoying my kids, being proud of my oldest in college. I tell you, it's confusing being me sometimes. And difficult. And tiring. And sometimes really great. Sometimes, like today, trying to get my job done (after getting notified of a couple of mistakes I made yesterday, which is kind of paralyzing ... what if I make mistakes today?!!!, etc.) while fielding calls from my mom's pharmacy and doctors and the "Rachel from Cardholder Services" calls and some calls that we've been getting lately because someone has given our phone number out to try and avoid her creditors and my youngest son getting up early this week and wanting to either pace behind my chair or talk to me while I'm working (which is impossible, by the way because I have to stop working to listen.), and add that to my own version of ADHD (without the H) and it's just hard. And it's not even 9:00 a.m. yet.
I may have to design myself a warning label. Approach with caution. Or better yet, throw chocolate and run.