Up, down, all around.

That's just one day in the middle aged life.  Yesterday, let's see ... I worked, which was fine.  I have gotten through the awkward - feeling like an idiot- period that always accompanies a new job and I don't feel so completely stupid now.  I'm out of the quality assurance phase where every single one of my reports has to go to a QA reviewer for criticism review.  It feels good.  After work, I talked to my brother.  He and I feel very worn down over mom's situation.  Mom, if you remember, wasn't happy at home, wasn't happy at the previous placement and is not happy here.  We are not sure what to do.  Moving her again will be difficult but we are considering it.  I spent a long period of time yesterday on the phone with family care providers and if you've been reading for a while, you know how much I liked that.  I do not like making phone calls, but for mom, I'll do it.

Then after that, I cooked dinner and the kids and I settled in to watch Boy Meets World that we had gotten from Netflix.  I had planned to go see mom and take the dress to be cleaned, but I decided to just take it easy.  I did some art journaling and some dishes and watched the shows.  The kids are working on getting themselves ungrounded because of course, they had to ground each other on Friday for not getting their work done.  The only cure is finishing last week's school work and then as they start getting this week's school work done, they gradually earn back their privileges.  It's very complicated, but they understand it and it works for them and hey, whatever works.  It's going to be so strange having my daughter graduate this year.  I wish I could keep them how they are now, but they have to grow up, I suppose.

Last night my oldest son posted a video of his band, which is him and 1 other guy, performing a song and my son was singing the lead.  It was awesome and makes this Mom proud.  I really wish the school they go to was closer but if I've learned anything in my life, it's that you can't always get what you want.  Now I have got to figure out how to play it for grandma when I go out there today.  

Always good advice for me ... from me.

I had 2 little middle aged meltdowns yesterday, one involved a big spider in the kitchen (that should be self explanatory) and then, just before I went to bed, I got hit by an overwhelming flood of grief for what this year has brought and what I have lost and started crying.  I stayed up an extra 45 minutes and watched an episode of Medium on my computer and calmed down and then went to bed.  I woke up in a good mood because most of the time, I do wake up in a good mood, thank goodness.   Now for today's portion of the roller coaster ride that is middle age.