One way to look at it.

We got a new dishwasher today. The old one went completely kaput, so my husband got a new one on the way home from work. He has not installed it yet and it's in the truck. Meanwhile, I'm sitting here at my desk trying to get some things done and I hear my 2 youngest kids in the kitchen cooking. Then I get a faint whiff of something burning. As I'm starting to go investigate, I hear my daughter say "Well, look at it this way, we've created a challenge for our new dishwasher." They had tried to make pancakes and had burned them on the pancake pan. I guess that's looking on the bright side?

A good idea.

I had a good idea, I think.  You know my youngest has dysgraphia or something like it, hates to write, reverses letters, etc.  I had been making him do copywork and it was working out okay.  The rule was that if he reversed a letter, he had to do it all over again.  This worked pretty well and his reversals got less frequent.  Then, at the beginning of January, I put him into the Sequential Spelling program and I took away the copywork, thinking that he'd be writing his spelling words.  However, he has worn me down and hasn't been writing the words.  He has instead been spelling them aloud, typing them on the computer or spelling them with Scabble tiles.  This was all supposed to be interspersed with actually writing them at least 1 day a week.  I do feel that there is value in those methods, multisensory learning and all that, but he's not been writing anything except math.  So I decided to incorporate copywork again.  This time, instead of just copying anything out of any book onto any paper, I bought him a journal.   He's been facinated with the Spiderwick Field Guide to the Fantastical World and so the plan is that he is going to draw one fantastical creature per page and copy a couple of interesting 'facts' about it out of that book.  He is very enthusiastic about this idea so maybe that will make copywork go better.  I hope.

I'd like to clarify about my vacation, it did make me tired because the beds were less comfortable than one would hope, (and I ate gluten, thinking it would be "worth it" - - big mistake!)  but I'm still glad we went.  Family bonding on vacations is more intense and more fun and full of good memories and I spent 3 whole days without crying so it was worth it and it was a break.  Just the next day when I had to start work again and pick up the death certificates and make arrangements for doctor visits and just generally get back into my real life, it was really hard, that's all. 

Unfortunately

going on vacation did not refresh me the way I had hoped.  I came home so exhausted that it made the next couple of days more difficult.  Still, we've managed to get school done this week.  Most of us, that is.  The youngest has to get going today and get all of today's and part of yesterday's school done so that he won't be grounded for the weekend.  I took my son to the doctor yesterday to see about his ankle and he is going to have to have surgery on his ankle.  Unfortunately the doctor hes' been seeing for the last couple of months does not do these arthroscopic ankle surgeries himself but has referred us to yet another specialist.  My mom went to the back doctor yesterday as well and was referred to not one, but two other specialists.  I'm starting to think the specialists around here have some kind of referral/copay racket going on. 

Did you all see the warnings against excessive sitting recently?  I just read this one.  Stand up while you read this.  I really need to get another job, something that involves walking. 

A few pictures from the trip.

Of course I forgot to take pictures of the water park. Oh well. My husband may have some on his camera, I'll have to check. The Air Force museum was amazing as was the Ikea store. We forgot to go to the Lego store for my youngest, so I guess we'll have to go back. Or maybe we could find a good Lego store in a costal area to visit?

We took a vacation.

We really did! We took kind of a spur of the moment trip to Cincinnati. I was inspired by another blogger Perri's winter jaunt, but the state park that they went to was completely booked, so we went to a hotel in Cincinnati with an indoor water park and visited the Air Force museum in Dayton. It was a very nice relaxing trip, but I am exhausted now and it's good to be home. Isn't that funny how we want to go someplace else and then we so want to come home?

And just so you know, the day that we were in the museum definitely counts as a school day. :-P

Keeping busy.

We've been keeping busy around here and that is a good thing. Tomorrow will be a month since the day my Dad got sick. The time passes quickly it seems. Mom's doing better than I had expected and I'm very proud of her. As for us, we're starting to be able to cope again, getting the house cleaned up, doing school, working.

A vacation would be nice though.

Drawing.

My daughter finished the drawing she's been doing of our cat Zelda. Here it is.

Watch out!

Someone should have told my family to watch out for me today.  I've been so grouchy.  The thing is, my husband went to the grocery on the way home from work and the kids are willingly doing their schoolwork and are almost done and I have nothing to be grouchy about and yet I am. 

Is this a component of grief?  Stress? 

I hope this part of it passes quickly and I'm sure those around me do too.

Okay. One.

We got a day of school done yesterday. We did school despite the snow. We've dealt with going from being ahead before Christmas to being behind now, but hey, that's life. We did do the Great Backyard Bird Count this weekend, so that's something I guess. I saw a red bellied woodpecker at the feeder again this morning, but did not get a picture (this one's from google). I can't figure out why they're called red bellied when they actually do not have a red belly, but a red head?

For our count we saw
2 Dark-eyed Juncos
5 Tufted Titmice
1 Black Capped Chickadee
2 Northern Cardinals
1 Red Bellied Woodpecker and
1 White Breasted Nuthatch.

We also saw a bird we tentatively identified as a warbling vireo but since we weren't sure, we couldn't list that on the count. 

How am I doing?

It's hard to describe. I've never experienced this kind of grief before. I still cry, not all the time, but maybe once every 3 or 4 hours, a thought will hit me and I'll cry just a little bit. Then a little while later, I'll be laughing and in a good mood. I'm not doing much housework, not much work and not much school. I'm just not capable of making myself care about it. Although I really want the house cleaned up, I can't motivate myself to do much of it. I do a little bit here and there. I've been watching more TV than usual, playing the Sims more than usual. I've wanted to do more Mad Libs and board games with the kids and I really want them to go pretty much everywhere with me, because if I get in the car alone, it's worse. I've got some decisions to make but I've been procrastinating about them. I have been trying to get my mom scheduled with a doctor for her back and made several phone calls also regarding my son's ankle. I don't know if he'll have to have surgery yet, but I suspect so. They should call back tomorrow and let me know. He went to a youth retreat this weekend and I attended a couple of the events that the parents were invited to. That was kind of neat. I did see a woman I think I went to school with and she said Hi to me and used my name and I have no idea who she was. Sigh. I hate forgetting people.

Anyway, that's how I am doing.

A pretty good day/dreaming.

We had a Valentine party with the homeschool group, which consists of going to a pizza restaurant. It was fun. It was really good to get to see everyone again, for a fun occasion. Later, we dropped my oldest son off this evening for a retreat where he'll be all weekend. I think it might be me who needs a retreat, well, actually, maybe we all do. My dream would be that we would go on a lovely vacation, rest, relax and rewind and come home to find that our house had been thoroughly cleaned and organized (maybe remodeled?) by a team of professionals sworn to secrecy about how messy it was. I have not been able to cope with the housework lately. At all. I have been doing absolutely the bare minimum, the bare minimum of housework, work and school. We only got in 2 days this week of school and basically that was Monday and about a third of a day on Tuesday, Wednesday and includes counting the Valentine party today. I guess 2 days is progress, but at this rate, we'll still be schooling in August when it's time to start again ...

We finally ventured out today.

We went to the library and Walmart and my Mom's house. Woohoo. It was nice not to be snowed in anymore, even though there is still snow. We had to walk up Mom's driveway because it's long, steep and snow covered, but we got there. It felt good to get out of the house. My aunt said that it might snow again this weekend. I hope not. Even I'm getting tired of it.

We did not do school today because I thought the county schools were still out, but they weren't. I saw school buses when I was in town. Whoops. Oh well, I'm just going to have to accept that this is not going to be a normal school year. Going to the library ought to count for something, though, shouldn't it?

Snow!

This is our third snow this year and I am officially on orders from my cousin to make my kids quit praying for snow. The 2 younger ones have really been enjoying this. The bottom picture is a tiny windowsill snowman my daughter made from last week's leftover snow and then last night, it snowed again and the top picture is of our birdfeeder in the snow today. So, we did one day of school and now we have a snow day. :-)

BTW

Thanks for all the comments, prayers and warm thoughts. I appreciate every one of you all.

School?

We're going to attempt to get back to school today. I don't know how it will go, but we're going to give it a try. I will at least make the kids do all they can without my input. I probably should have started that some time last week, but I didn't. Oh well. I'm going to work my way through my list of things to do and see how many of them I can check off. If you've been reading this blog for any amount of time, you know I'm a list-maker. I think it's funny that blogger doesn't recognize the words blog or blogger in it's spell check. You'd think it would, wouldn't you?

Still going through the motions.

I'm working and during breaks in the work, I'm trying to distract myself by playing the Sims and watching "Whose Line is It Anyway?" but it's not working. I'm feeling very sad tonight. One week since the funeral. I do not feel that I can cope with anything and I've got so much to do. Work, school, writing thank you notes, arranging for my Mom to see a back specialist, worrying about Mom, worrying about the kids and housework. And yes, I do know what they say about worrying.

Working this weekend.

I'll be working this weekend, trying to make up at least a little bit of the time I lost during the last 2 weeks. I really am getting so tired of medical transcription and want to find another job, in another field, but I'd still like to work at home. Not too tall an order is it?

Thanks everyone for the supportive comments on my blog. I really appreciate each one of you.

We did.

We ventured out to go skating last night and we went to a recreation center today and had a good time. Our lives are gradually resuming. I guess it's what we need to do, but it feels kind of weird. I think Reba McIntire said it best when she said "I guess the world didn't stop for my broken heart." Life goes on when you would expect it to just stop or something. I don't know.

Day 6.

I'm hanging in here.  I just had a big tearful session in the shower and while doing laundry because that's what I do if I'm not reading, blogging, watching TV - basically whenever I have a minute to think.  We've accepted condolences from the UPS driver today.  He apparently made deliveries to Mom and Dad's house frequently.  Yesterday my Mom got a huge stack of cards in the mail.  The one that was the most touching to me was from Dad's eye doctor.  My Dad was facing going blind from macular degeneration, bravely and with a sense of humor.  His doctor wrote how touched he'd been by Dad's charm and optimism and how much of an honor it was to treat such a man.  The man who delivered Dad's oxygen supplies cried in my Mom's arms yesterday.  Mom has been a trooper, surprising me with her strength.  Her brother and sisters have surrounded her and are taking good care of her.

My husband and kids are distracting themselves with Wii Sports Resort, something they've been saving for and bought this week.  It's been a God-send.

I'm trying to decide whether to take the kids skating tonight as usual or attend a leadership team meeting with the big homeschool group I am a part of.  I should go to the meeting, but I'm not sure I can face an hour in the car, each way, thinking.  (I wouldn't have my kids with me as a welcome distraction.) 

Okay.

I'm doing okay today, not exactly good, but at this point, I'll take "okay".  I've been watching season 1 of NCIS, which is nice and distracting, so that's good.  I also worked last night, which wasn't distracting enough and left me entirely too much time to think, so that was bad, and I have to work again tonight.  We're not doing school right now and I don't know when we'll start again.  Fortunately, we have some leeway, since the state says we have to do 180 days of school and there are 365 days in the year.  We'll get it done.  Eventually.