Tuesday, July 21, 2020

Struggling!

I'm studying for coding every single day that I don't have to work, 7 days a week.  I do not enjoy it.  I'm also, now, getting up early and coding before work.  Right at this moment, it's 6:20 a.m. and I'm taking a mental health break from coding to write this blog post.   It's hard.   It's just a struggle.   I don't think I'm going to pass the test.  I don't think there is any possibility that I'll pass it.   I am frustrated with them taking my money for extensions and memberships and I feel like it's a racket.  I wish there was an apprenticeship for coding. That is something I could get behind.  This studying a poorly written chapter, watching a poorly executed computerized lecture and then answering oddly specific tricky questions on an exam is not my cup of tea.  I just got docked on an exam for not knowing, off the top of my head, without looking it up or ever being presented with the information, that an Oxinium knee replacement is made of oxidized zirconium and is a metallic alloy with a ceramic surface.   I'm not kidding.  God, how I wish I was. 

It's awful. 

I hope everyone else is having a nicer summer than I am.  The rest of my family is still pretty much quarantined and I've had about as much COVID as I can take.  I want the test to be over and I want COVID to be over. 

I'm weary. 

Monday, June 22, 2020

Getting back into a routine.

I'm back at work and working 2-3 days a week.   It's nice not to have to work all the time, but I do struggle a bit with it, because every day I'm not there, I know I need to do coding.  The test is looming and I need to actually learn to code.  So far, in this course I've been doing for 8 months, I feel that I have learned very little.  It is a very poorly designed course.  I hate it.  I know that my learning style does not mesh with their "teaching" style (if you can call it that).   I pray that I will pass the test just so I can be free from it, because if I don't pass, I will feel like I have to study some more and do a second attempt.  I've already paid for a second attempt, actually, it came with th package.   So there you go.  I'm praying I'll be able to pass and be freed from the all the time either studying or feeling guilty for not studying.

This was a good weekend.  Our son called and we got to talk to him a bit.  I met a friend at a picnic pavilion and sat and talked for 4 hours!   I finished the next-to-last chapter of stupid busywork that doesn't really teach me coding and printed out the last chapter which is only a few pages.  So the end is in sight.   I got some time outside with the cats this weekend and was mosquito-free, thanks to some new mosquito traps that we bought (on the recommendation of our Mississippi daughter-in-law).   We ordered takeout for father's day and enjoyed it together last night.  That was great! 

I'm still missing Freckles quite a bit, so there's that and I did feel a bit crabby towards the end of the weekend, but I think most of that is because I'm on the early morning shift on Mondays now and have to get up at 4:30.   Blah.    I'll need to listen to praise music and cheer myself up on the way to work, that's for sure. 

Happy Monday! 


Sunday, June 14, 2020

Still alive!

I had some kind of weird, weird virus and a UTI and have felt so, so bad the last few days.  I had a fever of 100-101 for 4 days, sweating the whole time, but it has finally subsided.  Thank goodness.  I still feel bad and weak, but the fever is gone and I've been cleared by employee health at my company to go back to work tomorrow.   (yay)   I'm so glad that's over.  My quarantine time of 48 hours alone in my bedroom while waiting for the test to be back has taught me some fear/respect for this virus and what it can do to your life so I'm not feeling anxious anymore to get back out there.  I'm sure my need to see people will be strong again soon and I'll get out there, but I tell you, it put the fear into me.  I'm going to appreciate being able to socialize with my 3 people, my dog and 6 cats here at home for a while! 

Friday, June 12, 2020

Quarantined!

I got up Wednesday feeling okay but then sometime during the day, things went downhill.  I started throwing up and I started having really bad muscle aches and pains.  I guess it's a muscle ache, I don't know.  My back hurts in a very strange way and sometimes my neck and sometimes my head.  My temperature ranges from 99.9 under my arm, to 100.7.   So, I had to call my job and let them know that I couldn't come into work and according to their protocols, I had to be Covid-19 tested and quarantine myself until I get the results back in 3-5 days.  So I'm in my bedroom.   All the time now.   I'm trying to stay sane by making a to-do list, even a small one, to feel like I'm accomplishing something.  My family brings me food and occasionally someone will come to the door and talk to me for a minute.   My sickness was ill-timed because it was my sons' birthday yesterday and he was going to have friends over, just a few, to celebrate.  I feel so bad about that.   No telling how long it will be before he gets to see his friends again now, especially if I have already spread this to my family.   So, fun times.


Wednesday, June 10, 2020

Another good homeschooling article / compliation.

This is people's true stories of homeschooling.  https://outwittrade.com/why-homeschool/   I haven't read it all yet, but what I have read is compelling. 


Friday, June 05, 2020

Life.

Life just marches on.  We're a 1 dog family now but we're doing okay, I guess.  My daughter and I got hit with a deadline on our medical coding course, which I guess is a good thing, or we'd just keep studying forever and never get done.  We have to finish by the end of August, so we've scheduled our test and we are studying in earnest, trying to get a basic understanding of coding, which is not easy.  The material is hard and the way that the course is set up is not good.  I hate the whole process but this is what I get to do, every day off of work, from now until August 22.  Joy.   Maybe at some point, I will get a better grasp on it and it won't be such a struggle.   At least at some point, it will be over.  I guess.  I don't know how many times I will attempt the test if I can't pass it on the 2 I've already paid for.  I may just decide to do something else entirely.   We'll see. 

My co-worker is back to work and I had my long-awaited 3 days off this week and I'm heading back to work today for 1 day, then the weekend!  Thank goodness.  I needed a break very badly. 


Tuesday, May 26, 2020

Freckles Marie

Freckles passed away yesterday.   It was not as gentle and uneventful as I had hoped.   Our vet was closed for the holiday weekend, so we had to drive her 45 minutes away to an emergency pet hospital.  She did sleep on my daughter's lap on the way there and my husband and I talked to her and loved on her as she went to sleep in the vet's office.  We're all pretty heartbroken, but there is a feeling of relief as well that she is not suffering.  She really went downhill fast over the weekend, getting so much worse from Sunday to Monday. 

I'd like to say she was a "good girl" as everyone says about their dogs but she rarely got called that.  I called her "crazy woman" or "Freckie"

most of the time.  When I'd say "who's a good girl?", I'd always say "we don't know any do we?"  Freckles was loving, on her terms.  She was the queen of the world with her own boundaries, her preferences.   We loved that little tiny bundle of attitude so very much.   I'll miss the way she would suprise me with a lick in the nostril and the way she'd fake snap when you'd lean in close to love on her.  I'll miss her little underbite and the way her tongue stuck out between her  snaggle teeth.  Her little bug eyes, barrel shaped body and teeny feet.   The way she'd sit outside and pine if both of us girls were gone someplace and she'd been left with only boys to take care of her and to let her in and out and in and out and in and out.   I miss how she snored with her little crooked nose.   

I don't know what we're going to do without her.   


Thursday, May 21, 2020

Sadness.

We found out Friday that our little Freckles has a tumor near her spine that is inoperable by a normal vet.  Our vet gave us the number of a specialist, but said that he did not recommend treatment.  She had a tumor removed about a year and a half ago and had to spend 5 weeks in a crate.  That time, she was vigorous and healthy going into it, but this time, she's weak.  She's been losing weight, not eating much and throwing up frequently.   We're trying to give her a gentle time here at home, carryng her out to go potty and hand feeding her.  It's sad though and I can feel the weight of it on me 24 hours a day.  She doesn't seem to be in pain.  She lies around all the time but when you talk to her, she'll roll over for you to rub her tummy and she looks at us interestedly when we walk by and talk to her.  She does not seem to be suffering all the time.   I'm not sure what to do.  Prayers please. 


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